God How Much I Really Hate Life Right Now

So this year hasn't gotten easier whatsoever...

I'm not too optimistic on improvements of my current conditions, and there is a strong possibility I have developed Parkinson's Disease or something along these lines, and just every day in general, I am not feeling so well.

My body is also not regulating temperature or weather changes as good, and I am having difficulty sorting complex information loads that are presented to me, and whereby I also am having functional difficulty around the public between the combination of what I know about Humans in general, some cognitive difficulties, mental fog, and I just don't feel like I'm a part of this reality to any extent.

This world plain out sucks in every imaginable way, and even just a glimpse of daily headlines with the type of daily retardation I see in our species, it's just imagineable.

The biggest tragedy of our time, although not a remotely "new" problem in the general sense, is that everything which is normal, sane, logical or sound and which has substance, has been completely turned on its head and has become the object of ridicule, disgust, public loathing and outrage, and determination to mock and destroy anything that is sensible.

Instead, Mental Illness, Lies, Things which don't make sense, and things which resemble what you would see at a circus freak show are completely celebrated and approved by society, and people will even throw money at it to support and defend it at any cost.

I can reasonably say, even in the midst of my decline, that with certainty that even if everything else was normal and functional in society, even if we were able to have high quality food and if housing were abundant for everyone, just the fact alone of those several items above I mentioned, make life completely not worth living or striving for under any logical premise or justification.

We live in a time where actual "Pedophiles" and "Sexual Predators" in general, are in charge of all major institutions and arenas of society, who go around calling everyone they don't like, particularly people who are not NPC's and who have common sense or normalcy, as "Pedophiles" and "Grapists".

How absurd is that!? And yet it's all an act on top of it all.

The only thing that have gone "right" for me, are things that I had personally planned for this year for myself, that I had put a lot of mental energy and planning for, and I don't think there's anything mystical to it, it just has to do with my level of focus and importance on it.

But outside of those few things, everything else has gone to shit, and this has really really been a horrible year.

I'm honing in on closer on what my "endgame" plans are to what point I will attempt a mostly guaranteed way to exit this world if I reach something to where I cannot bear it, and it's getting very close there especially with the functional daily problems I'm having now, and I have recently decided that cyanide would be a very bad idea, even as reliable as it is. I am looking for other options, even while considering or looking for any option of assisted "procedures" that guarantee it.

I really can't put into words how much daily discomfort I'm in right now, and I'm sure many others of you are as well with things, but it is absolutely becoming a daily concern for me to the point of even being out in public at all, because I feel like it almost can be read off of me.

My mobility has become quite more limited now, and even the question of me ever doing international travel again is 100% off the table now. I also cannot cope being around any large crowds or heavy traffic, or too much stimuli or things going on, and I noticed that some years ago, properly around 2011 or so that I began to experience these symptoms around then, and they've been getting progressively worse.

As you can probably imagine, the issues had "come up" with my remaining family, and we had gotten into arguments about things because I do not do things like Insurance Policies and refuse to see doctors and so on, and honestly, I couldn't care less what they think or come what may after my death from this stupid place.

I would rather just be dead and not be discovered for months or years, and that once I'm discovered that I'm some skeleton who was living alone with a bunch of soda and beer cans all over the place.

What's truly intriguing but disturbing to me, is how much I see in my family members but society in general how much they actually are total "dependents" on governments and institutions in ways that I never established my entire life, yet I'm somehow miraculously live this long, which I am not proud of either, since I have been wanting to be gone from this world for quite some time.

I almost can't even put into words how absurd it is to deal with or have to answer or talk to Humans who are "part of the system", because they practically give you no legroom or ability to answer something that exists a certain way based on your personal details or how you earn income, because it's not "established" through the system, i.e. no income being associated with your "Social Security Number", therefore the system and institutions for example, don't validate you as a legitimate form of earning anything.

What's ironic and retarded about this, is that, the IRS still expects you to pay taxes on any earned income, even if not from a declared 1099 Form or Wage Form of sorts like a W2, but throughout the system itself when it comes to life incidents or other things, say for example if I wanted to get an apartment, and I used to rent apartments years ago when I traveled more in different countries and around the USA, but I've even been told by landlords that they cannot even accept Check paystubs from businesses as "Certified Income", and one Landlord in California before even told me that for all I know, I could be bribing a friend of mine to cut me a Fake Business Check for "stubs" to prove income I don't have.

I even once suggested that I could furnish a Bank account which has over 2 years worth of money that would have more than sufficient ability to cover rental expenses and deposits, or even agreed to pay the full lease all at once, and the guy denied those options and even thought I was "crazy" for even suggesting an idea like that because "nobody does that".

That was back in 2012. But it just goes to show how different this world is now, because I do things with a handshake and I do things in cash and prefer to keep things simple and straightforward, and I've realized over the year that those sort of things don't work anymore like they used too.

These days, if you are not "playing ball" in the system, you basically are not legitimized in the eyes of anybody around you, no matter how much you have in assets or how much you are "worth your salt" as a person, people don't care, and this is exactly the pathway to the NWO where you will one day have to be established by your  Social Credit Score.

But yeah, like I said, I'm officially recognized by the state as a "homeless person", and even they have been after me to report all kinds of crazy ass information that, to be honest not only could I not care any less, but many things they ask, I don't even have firm answers for, because I'm not a "system player".

It's totally absurd how things exist now, and it's just unreal how many Humans are naive about how they are living under a Slave system like this, and where you aren't allowed to have "non-answers".

Between my own family and the state bothering me about "burial expenses" only because they think I'm homeless, I've pretty much told them they'll have to figure it out themselves or sell off my assets to raise money for it.

The less you tell others about your life in this world, especially going forward, the better. As anything they know, is always used against you in this system and framework of Modern society.

In all honesty too, a lot of paperwork I get, or certain people I've had to hire for taking care of certain paperwork ask me all kinds of questions that I don't even know the terminology and what it means, and  the funny thing is that almost all these people ask me laundry lists of questions assuming that I must have Stocks, 401K's, Annuities, Timeshares and want to obsess over everything to do with how I could possibly be living or owning my own property.

You should see the faces on these people, and especially because they assume someone like me doesn't make sense because most people by my time usually have all these sorts of things in their life, yet I don't, but they've never interested me anyway, plus as I've said, I've never been the type to like anything that has my money tied up, even if it's for some sort of "rainy day" or retirement. The whole idea is pretty gay if you ask me, and plus the systems that support those, are all based on ponzi schemes anyways. And it often means more taxes or penalties to pay, so no thank you.

This world is fucking dumb. And you must question the sanity that generations of people who've adhered to this system have become in how pacifistic and obedient they are too it, and where they have revolved a sort of co-dependent life around the Government and particularly things like Insurance Agencies and Pensions.

Well, I don't have a fucking pension.

Honestly, with the level of harassment I've gotten living like this, I can only imagine that young generations who ever tried to embark on the lifestyle I've lived, probably live more like refugees or would probably have to live like they are homeless, especially in any western country because of the ridiculous laws.