A Secret Confession
With what I know at even this point in my life, if I knew these things from the very beginning when I was born, I would have long unalived even my own parents by that time, without a doubt.
The older I get, it's only become a constant thing that angers me about them.
It angers me more that they are not alive because I view them as having escaped "Justice".
At some point I'm going to elaborate more on this topic and reveal some even darker things, including all the things they never explained to me in life.
The older I get, it's only become a constant thing that angers me about them.
The one thing you also notice about life is that much of the deceptions, lies, schemes and even the ability for many people in this world to get away with things, has to do with "generational planning" whereby too much time passes or someone is no longer around to where problems begin to manifest or show themselves.
And I've noticed that families strategically "plan" these things when they have their children, all so they won't realize what kind of traps, problems or headaches they will leave created for them later in life, until it's too late, or once the parents are gone.
But they knew what they did was wrong, by bringing more life into this world, especially considering the situation that Germany endured and also raising me in a country that is "Foreign".
I hate their guts for it, I really do. More than you can even imagine.
Idk why I'm a little surprised,
ReplyDeletein hindsight I shouldn't be, but for some reason I imagined u came from this good background, and that you're parents must've been similar to you and therefore good, although if they were, the fact they moved to America by choice really puts that into question. I also am somewhat biased I that people born with better genetics or more solid ethnicities can't still be fcked over with what their born into.
I CANT imagine growing up with such a background in the american public school system. I've probably already said this before, but my parents fcked up bringing me here in more ways than one as well, and as my awareness increases my anger keeps increasing. Also the narcissism from a lot of parents now is so glaring after reading this blog.
Oh also some good news I will share here,
the older I get, the less I want to have kids, especially after reading this blog,
there's something very offputting about it now.
I used to have the urge to have kids largely due to me wanting to create a more improved version of my self with the life I wish I had, but things bothered me about it over the years, especially knowing how much I struggled with who I Was & my fam. But after reading this blog, I find the idea of having them offputting and I feel very hesitant & detered from.
Also, does anyone else weirdly like aging? For some reason it reminds me I'm not completely stuck in this life, albeit I'll be stuck here for a hella long time.
@T345,
DeleteThe problem is if a family grows up enduring trauma to begin with, that trauma is automatically passed down. My family situation which started here is a bit complex, especially between the Stigmatism of being "German" but also all the unexpected difficulties I had growing up in this country.
However, my parents did recognize at some point that they were wrong in what they did and they did harbor guilt to bringing me here but in ways that were not exactly always directly implied. But they knew I wouldn't have a future here, at least as far as how a person normally grows up.
I also resent some health issues that arise from time to time which I had inherited from them also.
Curious what would have been your main reasons for wanting to have had children before?
@PSA Interesting,
DeleteJust curious, I'm assuming you're family was in Germany for the wars?
Germans really got the worst end of the stick compared to most other groups, but they never got a fraction of the sympathy or recognition for what they went through.
Interestingly enough,
There's always been this depression/solemness down my dad's male line which all leads back to my german great grandpa. I don't know much about him except he was a submariner in the german navy before ww1 started, but he sprained his ankle and had to be taken off. Just a few weeks later the sub was shot down & everyone died. Also his brother was killed in the dresden bombings, my great grandmas family also owned and built ships in South America, but since their family was German, their business was completely taken from them.
I mean... not that it really fixes anything but at least you're parents showed some sense eventually, not that it fixes the problem. I swear to god you'll find some trash trailer park people bringing in kids with even shttier g*ntcs and lives, and they'll fight you for criticizing them.
My main reasons were thinking it would fulfill me to raise a child with the traits/qualities I wish I had myself like being less racially ambigious as me, selecting certain features I wish I had, having a more 'pre' ethnicity than mine, living in a place and area I liked more, being a better parent than my parents were. It was also definitely a my life is empty thing and I don't know what else I would do with my life. I also have felt my dad's side, especially my dad's dads side was 'special' and good and I had this fear that if I didn't pass it on that would die out. Also seeing all the rtrded people coming into this world I felt like they would outbreed the better genes, even tho Ironically with my mix I'm defff not perfect.
@T345,
DeleteActually, my family's presence has been here since the 1800's. But the problem was it still had implications that were very grave because Germans were heavily discriminated against even in the 1930's and 40's here in America, and even after that, heavy discrimination of Germans was largely prevalent...
However, what is unknown to the extent is how much they did realize or didn't realize that the future was basically stalled and imperiled for Germans all over the world.
It may even be possible sentiment in your own family line why that also existed, a sense of absolute pessimism for the future.
Hitler, his Wife even Joseph Goebbels and his wife took their own lives and also that of their children because they knew nothing but a dark future lied ahead.
Interesting,
DeleteI had no idea. Also it's interesting how u still are so contacted to that when I feel like a lot of Americans lose their sense of background within a few generations, especially if their white.
I suppose if you remove yourself from this world, you or you're 'family line' might not necessarily 'win' or 'dominate' the physical world, but it certainly does prevent your people from suffering any longer.
Not that it's not a huge loss for humanity, or tragedy for those it happened to.
This world most certainly deserves where it's heading, although I feel bad for some people here.
@T345,
DeleteIt's also probably the reason they were never too "adamant" about when or if I had children.
But the thing is, they were quite ignorant in general because they still chose to see a "future" in this reality, even up until the more recent times when they were still alive.
The only time either it was ever admitted or became "evident" that something was spoken that hinted that there is something wrong with this world was when he was only months away from his death, but otherwise denying reality for most of his life, even if he might have believed otherwise "privately".
Even if I did want to have a family this world, the question of it is one of absurdity, because there is really no starting point for that. Thankfully I never wanted a family so it wasn't even item of contemplation or frustration for me, because if so, that would have been a whole other problematic segment to my life.
It is true that ALL White people who come to America eventually lose their identity or what comes from their origins over some period of time, whether it's culturally, ethnically or both. This has been especially even more true after the Baby Boom.
This world is just really beyond exhausting at this point, and I'm really disgusted with how retarded everything is everyday.
I can't take this much any longer. Every day, most involvement with society to any degree I have to still be involved with it, feels like a "chore" especially with the way people think, including my clients, and I'm just so fucking sick of it and their instant needs or demands.
@PSA
DeleteAnother frustrating thing I find with parents,
is that although choosing to bring people here really makes them complicet in something bad already, they could at least have the decency to relate to, validate, or help you out or provide some sort of 'safe space' for you're struggles, because if anyone would have you're best interest, it must be them rich? But all I really see from parents is them enforcing the family hierarchy, forcing/controlling their child to act/think a certain way, but then rejecting any negativity expressed by their offspring- I'm sure there's a sense of guilt hearing you're child is going through sht because you're literally fully responsible for them being here, and often the circumstances that led up to that.
It should be no wonder the normy and conformist people- ofc not counting all the outside influence involved in this too- would be susceptable to replacing their identity with a more 'modern', 'cool', socially fitting one.
Even my sibling cares way less about me about our background or family history. She also doesn't seem to identify as strongly with certain family members like I do. I also once explained to her my lifelong frustrations with my background- and it's like it had barely crossed her mind or bothered her at all. She is also someone who changes personality like a glove, and is very susceptible to outside opinion, so there definitely is something more 'untethered' about her. I think this untethering/connection really determines how strong someones connection stays.
And if all this isn't enough.... you bring up a good point abt work! I swear to god the levels of entitlement are astronomical. It's also incredibly draining. I've slept for 13+ hours after shifts & I'm not unhealthy. I also was so tempted to quit in June because of how badly people were treating me, but thankfully the census is lower and new people who aren't a**holes are here. About to go to work soon and I've been mentally preparing for it all day.
@T345
DeleteIn particular, a problem I am struggling with, is related to my immune system and inflammation that gets triggered from it responding when it does, and I've come to realize that I inherited the exact same issues from both sides of my family, and I know these issues were even present in my grandparents as well.
And if I have issues triggered, it can mean about a month of my life almost living and feeling like a disabled person because of it, I remember them having all the same issues especially as they got older, and dealing with these things now are far worse than I could ever imagine.
But once again, things related to this are also "not discussed" as a part of getting older, and I never knew how problematic they would become as time continues.
Yeah from what I've seen, the Medical Industry is getting far, far worse by the day with more employees quitting, they are getting tired with the bullshit in that industry. It's definitely one of the worst professions to be in.
Doctors are like mad scientists. The older I get, the more cringe I feel around them and their evil. They are the number one cause of death, medical intervention!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel you on the parent thing...yes, I think I had great parents, but wtf were they thinking having a child in an entirely different country than Italy, in America...where they didn't speak the language or understand the culture???
Then, I get sent to jewpublicschools, to learn from these depraved lunatics ?
Looking back, I didn't realize that my family was far superior in class, work ethic, and talent than these American nutters...still, there was a lot of uncessary growing pains in my teens, like my mother forcing me to go to the junior prom and just enduring the low class standards of my high school...and I graduated from one of the best schools in the suburbs of New York State!
It is certainly odd to have endured it all ..and to think that they had children for selfish reasons is something I may never understand.
Check out this king right here. He took back what’s his and was wrongly jailed for it.
ReplyDeletehttps://youtu.be/4L-cbihnOxU?si=LbSuwwCZl6mhkO94
@T345
ReplyDeleteThe way parents are instrumental in the spiritual beat down of their children just makes me think witches or evil wizards are running this place. The Dune movies are disclosure in that there are string pullers who have a better understanding of reality and can manipulate it like The Bene Gesserrit